A Million Ways to Cry
by LittleSnowPea
Summary: Kent is a powerful drug. Paul would like to be stronger, please.  paul/veck  slash with lots of angst


**A/N**: Someone once told me I needed a new story like I needed a gaping, bloody hole in my chest.

*looks down*

Oh, well look at that. hmm.

So this came to me because I have no life. Also, after this I have quite a few new fics lined up, INCLUDING the end to both Paper China and Saving Matt, the latter ending before the former.

Yes, I know, a miracle. Anyway. Enjoy this strange piece of work. I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

**Warnings:** mostly for later chapters, but this is slash, guys. and there is rape and pain and angst because I don't do fluff. and abuse. and this is paul/veck, so if that makes you shudder and squeal like a rat, please leave. I don't need that. timeline is changed too, james got there before paul in my mind. also, paul never had a crush on amy.

un beta'd.

* * *

He probably should have kept his feelings in line. Maybe that way, it's be easier to herd his best friend and the innocent little kid into the plane, at gunpoint (goddamnit, he hated guns) so that his boyfriend's plan could continue uninterrupted.

Although it probably now included "beat Veck into a pile of bloody guts" too. It was James' favorite game, usually played after Veck fucked up.

And oh boy, did Veck fuck up.

He supposed it started with knowingly choosing the mall his best friend worked at, and culminated with his inability to stop the wayward mall cop he happened to have a major crush on. Maybe, though, because more likely was the fact that James had been right- he was a fuck up of the hundredth degree and there wasn't much anybody wanted to do with him.

So, because he was that much of a mistake, he was gonna lose his best friend, crush, any semblance of normalcy he had been trying to capture, and get beaten to within an inch of his life, all in the same, oh, hour?

He tried not to meet Amy's eyes as he gave her a push that made him wince and started up the ramp of the plane.

/

God, this hurt more than he expected. Pain radiated throughout his entire body and he cried out in anguish as James aimed a kick at his lower back that had him seeing stars.

He heard Amy call his name and James hiss a furious "shut up, whore" in her direction, and the very sound of his voice brought shudders down his spine.

"One job. That's all I made you do. And you blew it, again, like you always do," James spat down at Veck who flinched at the words being thrown into his face.

"I didn't want to in-"

An agonizing kick to his face shut Veck up instantly and he whimpered as blood ran down his throat.

/

"Amy, Maya, are you OK?"

"Paul, hurry, Veck!"

"Daddy, it's not his fault!"

"I heard, I heard what Kent said, Maya. Stay there."

"Daddy-"

"I know."

_Don't touch me, it hurts too much._

"Veck?"

Gentle hands felt like sledgehammers and he involuntarily yelped, and Paul flinched back.

_Make it stop, I'll do anything, I'll stay with James forever-_

"Veck, stay with me, ok?"

_-after all, he loves me, right?_

His heart twisted and a tear rolled down his cheek as he fought- fought to stay awake, fought to sleep, fought to stem the flow of tears- and he cried out again.

"Veck!"

"Don't leave, please, I'm sorry," his own voice sounded foreign to him- rough and hoarse and full of pain.

"I'm not leaving you Veck, not now, not ever."

(pretty words that meant nothing, said james' voice)

"I'm sorry," it was barely whispered, almost mouthed, but Paul heard it. "It hurts."

"I know."

"Don't leave."

/

Paul never thought something could hurt as much as finding out the woman you loved used you and left you with a baby girl to care for, but looking at Veck's bruised and swollen face made him want to cry and kill someone at the same time.

He'd only cried when she left.

He reached out and gently ran his hand down the sleeping man's cheek, flinching as his fingers traced the massive bruises left all over his pretty face.

"Veck," he whispered hopelessly, voice seeming to thunder in the silent room. His eyes teared up as words failed him. He wanted to say so much-

_I'm sorry, please forgive me, I should've known, I love? you_

-but they were fighting for dominance, and they rendered him speechless.

"Is the badass mall cop crying?" Amy's soft voice forced him to tear his eyes from Veck and catch her soft gaze. He shrugged noncommittally and she wrapped her arm around his waist, leaning her hear against his side in comfort.

"So, I got Maya to your house, and she's sound asleep, and your mom is there, of course," Amy said, a tremble in her voice as her eyes swept over Veck's battered body. "They both understand, you know, if you are gonna stay here with Veck." Saying his named caused tears to flood her eyes and her chin trembled, but she didn't flee.

Paul cleared his throat.

"I have to see Maya, she was a hostage in a scary situation, no matter the outcome," he felt numb, detached. Amy squeezed him.

"Maya's smarter than you think," Amy said gently. "She knew the whole time Veck would never- _could_ never- hurt us. She's fine. You? And Veck? You're not."

Paul nodded vacantly.

"I'm afraid, I guess," he said suddenly. "I'm afraid Veck will wake up and not know me, or go back to _him_ or be afraid and I won't be able to help him. Amy, I'm so afraid."

Paul's breath hitched.

"Oh, Paul," Amy whispered. "Why do you constantly sell yourself short? After all you did today, why do you still have doubts? You won't beat him or force him to rob a mall- so I think you'll be more than enough."

Paul sniffed as Amy's words wrapped around his aching heart and soothed it a bit, though nothing would completely quench the pain until Veck opened those eyes and said Paul's name.

/

sooo... whatcha think? reviews are crack cocaine, kthanxbai


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